So random thought...

I sometimes get frustrated with myself... or at least bewildered with myself... when I do things in this strange mindless state that I mentioned in my previous post.  There have been all sorts of entertaining stories about what Teresa did when she wasn't really aware of what she was doing.  Really, I have done some strange things.  I have gotten myself in a lot of trouble... losing things, putting things in really weird places.

So sometimes I ask God... why do I have this problem???  Why am I so strange??

But then it occurred to me after writing the last post that God has actually used this "problem" to really bless me.  Yes I have some funny and frustrating stories as a result of it, but I also have a lot of stories of God speaking to me as a result of it.  He causes me to go open up my bible randomly and start reading a reading a random passage, open up my journal randomly, do something on my phone randomly, go somewhere randomly, ect, that end in the Lord blessing me with pertinent truth and encouragement.

So that's it.  A little revelation.  Thank you God for blessing me, loving me, and using me... with my weird quirks and all.

Believe

The Lord has been reminding me today how we can trust in His promises.  Actually, not just that we can, but that we must.  He calls us to believe in Him.  This means more to acknowledge His existence, but to believe that He is who He says He is: the creator, the ALL-powerful one, the One for whom and through whom all things were made.  And to believe what He says is true.  To believe Him when He makes promises.

It is a scary thing sometimes to believe God when He makes a promise to you.  At least for me it sometimes is... when I am being foolish.  It's almost like I don't want to get my hopes up.  I always love looking back at what God has done and praising for it... but its almost like I don't want to be joyful in what God has said He is going to do until He actually does it.  Like I don't really believe the promise until I see it actually come to pass.  How foolish is that??! That's equivalent to being a Jew and not believing any of the prophesies until they came to pass.  Not wanting to believe that there really would be a Messiah... until it actually happened.  That's not believing God.

I was thinking about the story in Numbers when Moses sent out spies including Joshua and Caleb into the hill country.  The Lord had already promised this land to the Isrealites.  He told Moses that He would give the land.  However, the spies came back and everyone but Joshua and Caleb were frightened by the strength of the people in the land.  They said there was no way they could take over the land.  They thought that it was impossible for what God had promised them to actually come to pass.  They didn't believe God.  This angered God.  He said to Moses, "How long will this people spurn me?  And how long will they not believe in Me, despite all the signs which I have performed in their mist?"  It was because of this that the Isrealites had to wander another 40 years in the desert before the Lord would bring them into the land He promised them.  

They did not believe in God.  They did not believe God's promises.

The Lord wants us to believe in Him.  And to truly believe that when He says something to us through His word or to us in prayer... It's true.  And to actually live like its true.  And to have Joy like its true.  And to have peace like its true.  

I randomly opened up my journal and started reading a portion from several years ago without really thinking about what I was doing.  In this entry I was praying to God for a certain thing to come to pass.  I really felt that what I was praying for was according to God's will and I was really trying to have faith that the Lord would answer my prayer.  I was telling God that He promises to answer prayer.  And I was asking him to fulfill that promise.  I could tell throughout the journal entry that while I telling God what He promises us, I was really trying to bring myself to a place of faith and complete trust that God would answer what I was asking for.  And God did answer that prayer.  Just like He promised he would.

Right after reading that I was mindlessly flipping through my phone, getting on my bible app, and scrolling through verses of the days without engaging my mind.  It is hard to explain... but I do stuff in this mindless state a lot.  Its where I really am not aware of what I am doing.  It was the same state that I was in when I took my journal and opened up and started reading an entry.  My mind became engaged when I actually started reading the entry... but I was completely unaware how I got to that point.  So anyways... when I was flipping through my phone, my mind suddenly became engaged again and there was an old verse of the day pulled up.  It was 1 John 5:14-15.  "This is the confidence which we have before Him, that, if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.  And if we know that He hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests which we have asked from Him."  Sounds like the same thing that God was just teaching me through the journal entry, eh?

So one of my lessons from the day.  God's promises are true.  They stand.  Believe God.  He says when we ask according to His Will... we can know that we have what we have asked for.  Scary to believe... maybe.  But true... yes.  So lets believe.  Tis a foolish thing... a very foolish thing... not to trust in the Living God.

Last night I had a dream of worship to our wonderful Lord.  It was a beautiful thing to wake up after spending the night in adoration of Jesus.  It seemed so sweet and real... I was really meditating on the Lord's goodness.  And the singing was so gorgeous.

Today as I worked, that worship really stuck with me.  I talked to one of my patients who seemed particularly upset that no one cared anything about her, but only her money.  And furthermore that she really didn't even have money anymore since she was old and couldn't work.  But she had her bible sitting next to her.  She told me she has had that exact bible since she was in seventh grade.  And now she is in her eighty's.
I put my arm on her shoulder and told her her that the Lord was with her.  And that the Lord would always be with and that he has blessed her.  Not with money, but with his presence.  And that is the sweetest thing of all.  As I was saying those things I almost started crying.  The realness of what I was saying to her hit me.  The Lord cares so much for the ones who are not honored here on earth.  The old, the widows, the poor, the orphans.

She thanked me and seemed to really agree to the truth of what I was saying.

I hope that as I work each day that I can help the patients understand the reality of the Lord's care for them and of his presence.  I can give momentary love and care, but as I do that, I want their eyes to be directed to one that can give them constant love, care, and comfort.  May the Lord be with me and bless me, that more would turn to him.